Links with Ancient Culture

The origin and nature of this extraordinary object in the shopping centre is the subject of energetic debate among Bracknellovians. Some believe "Cube Henge" or "Henge Squirt" to be a gift from Bracknell's twin town, Moonbase Alpha out of Space 1999. More eccentric residents believe it to be as old as the shopping centre itself. In any case, evidence including the concrete chunk's proximity to lay lines and relative position to other concrete chunks in the vicinity suggest that it may have been used by the ancients to tell when the shops open on a Saturday. The latter theory is supported by the recent discovery of objects made out of precisely the same concretey stuff in Basingstoke, another city of the future with a shopping centre. Local historian Burt Reynolds claims that as Cube Henge is too big to get into a Ford Escort, even one with a sun roof, a group of Bracknellovians must have transported the concrete mass on rolling logs, pulling the back one out and sticking it to the front again, you know, like that. Mr Reynolds is certain that the difficulty and danger involved in such a task would have resulted in several deaths, especially as those involved must have been absolutely shit-faced on a Saturday night to even think of trying it.

Retail Marketing

Long before electronic tele-shopping and shops with catalogues in the front and all the stuff hidden away at the back, Bracknell's retail outlets were marketing and selling ranges of things that, even now, Amazon and Argos can only dream about uncomfortably. Incredibly, these eye-watering images were taken of a single shop window in Bracknell's shopping centre. This shop may be small but it succeeds handsomely in supplying everything the space age shopper could reasonably want. Yes, whether it's Zippo lighters and Ronsonol lighter fluid you need; or perhaps some toilet paper and a Chelsea Football Club leather wallet, cuff links and key ring gift set; or may be some empty boxes that used to have things in and hookah pipe charcoal; or even a "Forever United" cigarette tin and a range of language learning DVDs (including Dutch, Bengali and Hungarian); this shop has it all.
Just as with everything else, Bracknell leads the way in retail.

Motoring in the Future

Bracknell's residents are committed to the future and sustainability but, for reasons nobody really understands, they drive everywhere in gargantuan four wheel drive machines designed for jungle warfare or the lower slopes of Icelandic volcanoes. Such vehicles are therefore unsuited for urban roads and car parks but this doesn't matter to the driver. It isn't clear whether Bracknell's love affair with the nuclear powered moon scooter came before its obsession with armoured personnel carriers. One popular theory is that the increase in the number of pedestrians and cyclists suffering from collisions with the absurd vehicles caused them to use moon scooters while recovering from injury and they never went back to their original means of perambulation. The other theory is that the feeling of invulnerability enjoyed by drivers meant that having descended the steps, onto the running board of their bloated vehicle and then down to planet Earth with the rest of us, they were simply unable to cope with the fear caused by the absence of artificial elevation and reinforced steel plus airbags. In any event, here are a few pictures of the sort of psychopathic behaviour that driving one of these monsters can cause in otherwise well adjusted human beings: in this case, parking as inconveniently for everyone as possible.

"Retro" Architecture

Just like the famous concrete cows of Milton Keynes, almost everything in the future will be pretend and designed to look like things used to before everything became a bit rubbish, really.  As you'd expect, Bracknell is a pioneer in this field. Visitors to this shopping centre in the middle of the city of the future will be amazed to learn that, despite being directly beneath one of the most medium-sized shopping centre roof structures in Berkshire, the escalators and the upper floor are entirely for show. Reliance on nuclear powered moon scooters means that Bracknellians are subject to the same limitations as daleks when getting about and so escalators are redundant. As a consequence, although Bracknell's residents have long since abandoned walking as a means of travel, for nostalgic reasons they like to be reminded of what it was like to do stuff that past generations enjoyed: to stand two abreast on escalators blocking people who want to walk on them; to throw litter from the upper floor on to passers-by below; and, to have to walk half way round the centre trying to work out how to get from one floor to another because of the deliberate misalignment of the escalators.

City of Tolerance

Two veteran Bracknellians exchange views having seen the shockingly primitive behaviour of the walker to their right. Younger Bracknellians tend to find walking amusing or endearing but, as is evident from their faces pictured here, older residents regard those who eschew the nuclear powered moon scooter with suspicion.

Space Age Shopping

In the future, almost all shopping will be virtual and Bracknell has embraced this inevitability with conviction.

Large areas of Bracknell's shopping centre are thus reserved for shops like these which act as blank canvases, allowing shoppers equipped with special goggles to browse their imagined shopping destinations of choice. 

Religion in the Future

Bracknell's religious community has a very progressive approach to retaining its membership. As a result, Bracknell is the envy of the rest of Britain with weekly church attendance remaining remarkably consistent since the introduction of the current strategy.