The tragic reality finally revealed: the promise of nothing less than a clone of every single other town centre in the UK.
Bracknell: City of the Future
This blog is about Bracknell, space-age city of the future, today. Bracknell is the envy of the world. Its commitment to the future, shopping, not walking anywhere and owning a dangerous dog makes it the ideal place for any family to live, work and thrive. This blog cannot convey the full Bracknell experience. Its modest aim is to provide a tiny insight into this marvellous urban environment and triumph of modernism.
Wednesday, 5 October 2016
The Death of Bracknell
The tragic reality finally revealed: the promise of nothing less than a clone of every single other town centre in the UK.
Friday, 4 September 2015
Zardoz The Great
In addition to the town council, Bracknell is ruled by a mysterious alien force known as Zardoz The Great, or so Bracknellian lore has it. To the horror of the town council, on the day the Bracknell town centre "Regeneration" was announced, the sky went mental (see picture attached) and a huge booming voice was heard everywhere, just like on that episode of Star Trek, or it could have been Space 1999. Nobody could tell if the voice was just in their heads but it seemed to be roaring something about "betrayal" and "Bar Torino and the Bus Station Café not good enough for you then, eh?" Under the town centre Regeneration programme, both these establishments have been scheduled for demolition and will be replaced by Starbucks or Costa or something. In any event, upon encountering the resulting wrath of Zardoz The Great, the Bracknellians all raced their moon scooters for cover into Bar Torino and the Bus Station Café and nobody has been seen outside since.
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
The Market
Monday, 8 September 2014
Perpetual Christmas
Bracknell's authorities are always keen to give the city's residents more of a good thing; and who doesn't love Christmas?! For this reason, the Bracknell General Assembly has declared a permanent state of festivity. That's right: in Bracknell, every day is Christmas day, 365 days a year, every year. As a consequence, Bracknell is one of the only places in the Northern Hemisphere where parched shoppers can take shelter from the raging, blistering sunshine in the shade of a massive, 60 foot, sparkling, plastic Christmas tree complete with life size nativity scene.